Hello everyone my name is Kerstin,
and I used to live in Bourke, it’s a little town up north in western New South Wales, I’m the second eldest of six kids, My child hood was less than ideal and as a consequence I suffered a lot, both physically, emotionally and mentally.
Back in 2014, my brother and I returned home from school, planning for our fathers birthday, only to discover him lying dead on the bathroom floor. I later found out that he was suffering from depression and drank away his sadness, years of alcohol abuse had finally caught up with him, he was 39.
Up until this point I had been struggling with my mental state for 2 years and within that period I had been diagnosed at first as bipolar type 1 and told to take antipsychotic medication, which ironically
I later tried to over dose on, after some time of being in and out of doctors offices and two hospitalisations, I was finally told that I am depressed and have generalised anxiety disorder, which I am currently being medicated for.
The night after my Dads funeral I yet again attempted to end my life, this last attempt, by far, was the scariest. I realised I was afraid to die and that what I had actually needed was help. I eventually finished my schooling and got in to a university where I managed to stick it out for a maximum of 31 days, I wasn’t ready to leave my community nor did I feel mentally fit to be on my own.
After returning home I felt like a failure, I was miserable I started smoking pot and binge drinking which only worsened my state. I knew that living this way would eventually get me in my room cowering from the world and dreading my own existence yet again, it was at this same time that I was introduced to a close friend, who later became a mother figure to me, she was a Christian woman who happily took me in under her wing and began to spend time with me, explaining and reading the Bible and learning together about Jesus, she was more than happy to invite me to her home for dinner and express love, compassion and concern for me.
I started to attend the church I had used to go to youth group at, every time I was met with warmth and delight! For the first time I felt accepted and valued, they were the perfect example of what it looked like to be in a family. I was now addicted to these people, I couldn’t get enough of being loved. upon getting to know them further, patterns started to emerge, each one of these key people in my life all had something in common, they had all been to Cornerstone.
Knowing who I was and who I wanted to be, was a huge determining factor into why I decided to come to Swan Hill, I was determined to follow Christ and live a life of forgiveness and love, hearing stories of Cornerstone and seeing the lives that have been positively affected by it, only fanned the flame.
In 2017, I, accompanied by two friends, made the long journey to Victoria, I was able to see what Cornerstone was like in a fully immersive way, I had clicked so well with these people, I didn’t want to leave!
I knew that Cornerstone was the place for me, a place to flourish and grow, I had my heart set on going the next year.
In January of this year I had my stuff packed and made that familiar road trip from Bourke to Swan Hill, an eight hour distance, things weren’t starting until the 26th but I had come down earlier to say the least, It was during this time that I had a phone call from my 11 year old brother, telling me that my mum was in hospital, and immediately I panicked. I was told she was in a medically induced coma and that if I wanted to say goodbye I should make my way up to Ipswich, Queensland where she was basically dying. Throughout this ordeal both Ben and Colleen Johnston were nothing but caring and hospitable to me.
My mum later died on the 17th of January at the age of 43, after her funeral I was more than ever ready to start my life with cornerstone, I returned and got straight into it not glancing back for a moment, I wanted so badly to forget but knew how hard things could turn out to be if I didn’t have the right support structures in place, and so I began to see a psychologist to help me with my grief, which I am very thankful for, it felt relaxing to know that I was going to be within a community of people that care for me, make me feel safe and nurture my well-being.
Coming here so far has taught me that there’s so much more to life then dwelling on past trauma and that the way I grew up was not my fault, that I am loved and do have worth. There are days where it’s easier not to get out of bed and others where it seems you can, I learnt a long time ago that having to take medication didn’t make you weaker but that nothing is perfect and If you were diabetic you would have to take insulin, that we do get sick and break bones; but it makes all the difference, to go through the hardships and triumphs of life, with a community of people who constantly show you that one day everything will be made perfect, there will be no more death or disease and every tear will be wiped away.
The fruit of the mouth 